Stinger Care Package

I just returned from  a trip to Big Bend with my family, where we hovered on the edges of canyons, picked prickly pear spines out of our hands, and took a guided tour of the constellations. If you’ve seen the photos coming from the Curiosity, you may understand the Big Bend experience. Just think Mars with slightly more vegetation.

My sister is somewhat obsessed with scorpions and other venomous* creatures. She brought a special scorpion-detecting lamp with her. And she bought this fantastic little guide called Spiders and Their Kin at the Big Bend outpost. So when we stopped at our old favorite, the Starlight Theater in Terlingua, Texas, who was she to resist their Stinger Margarita? (Terlingua is the site of a great ghost town, and the Starlight is an old theater that’s been converted into a restaurant and music venue.)

Unfortunately, having lived in Texas so long, most of our taste buds have been burned off by our overconsumption of chipotle peppers. She reported that the Stinger didn’t have much of a sting. The waiter told us that they used to serve them with a copper scorpion at the bottom of the glass, but they weren’t able to get them anymore, since “the border had closed.” (?!?) He also said that you could find a video about how to make them on YouTube. HELLO.

Needless to say, I could not wait to get myself to an Internet connection. I NEEDED a spicy margarita with a copper scorpion at the bottom. I had to wait till I got home, but then I decided my sister needed a margarita with a copper scorpion at the bottom even more. So that’s how I ended up making the most ridiculous care package ever.

I’m going to include instructions for how to replicate it if you are insane (i.e., me) or sane (i.e., hopefully everyone else).

If You’re Insane: First I obtained some 24 gauge bare copper wire. In my case, this was in my closet (as I said, I’m not altogether well).

If You’re Sane: Most people would need to go out and buy 24 gauge copper wire at a craft store—definitely not at a home improvement store.

Both Insane & Sane People: Watch the video below. It’s the best one out there to teach you how to make a copper scorpion. Sorry, it’s kind of weird. But this is what the final product should look like.

Next, you are going to create a box like this and fill it up.

Insane: Because you’re going to go nuts, you’re going to need a big box. Being insane means being inflexible, so only this box from The Container Store will do: the Legal Size Quick Ship Mailer. Because you want it to look “rustic,” you will assemble it so that the white side faces inside and the brown cardboard faces out.

Sane: Since you’re putting together this project on a budget, you only need a little box. You could pull one out of the recycling, make one, or buy one of these clamshell-style boxes from The Container Store: the Letter Size Quick Ship Mailer.

Since I was shipping mine a long way, I needed to use a lot of padding to prevent breakage. If you’re giving this to someone in town, you have the luxury of using those little paper crinkles as padding, or even just limes. As you can see above, I did use both key limes and regular limes to keep things separated…

Insane: But behind the scenes I had cut foam out so everything fits together like a machine gun in a Halliburton case. (A) Copper scorpions. (B) Stackable old fashioned glasses from World Market, $1.99 each. (C) Spice bottle filled with kosher salt, free since I had this in my kitchen. (D) Grand Marnier. (E) 1800 Agave Silver. (F) Norpro lime squeezer from Amazon.com, $8.39.

Sane: As I mentioned above, give this to someone you’ll see in person and you can just use limes or tissue paper or whatever to stuff the box.

Both Insane & Sane: Next you’ll need some things to put your scorpions, or rather margaritas, in. I recommend some glasses. I find traditional margarita glasses declassé, although I do not know how to say that in Spanish. Personally I picked these stackable old fashioneds from World Market because they are simple and versatile and $1.99 each.

Next you need salt.

Insane: Fill an empty spice jar from Penzey’s with kosher salt.

Sane: You could also use an envelope filled with kosher salt. Maybe even a glassine envelope! That would work.

Next you need liquor.

Insane: Go to the liquor store and buy almost full-sized bottles. It will make you sorry when you are paying to ship it, but you only live once.

Sane: Go to the liquor store and buy a few of these airplane-sized bottles of Grand Marnier and/or Jose Cuervo. Or… this is something I really wanted to do, but couldn’t risk the possibility of leakage. Buy yourself a normal bottle of good quality agave tequila (keep most of it for yourself), pour some into a small jar, slice up a jalapeño and a bit of lime rind, and put it in the jar of tequila. Leave it at room temperature for 3 days, shaking at least once a day. Afterwards, strain and include this new spicy citrus tequila in your care package. That will really give it a proper sting! Instead, because I couldn’t risk the possibility of ruining the whole box with a leaky jar, I included the recipe to do this in the box. My sister is a scientist who works in a lab, so I think she’ll appreciate the ability to make her own jalapeño-infused liquor with the exact parts per million she desires.

Insane: Now you need a lime squeezer. You can order this Norpro Lime Juicer off Amazon. It’s only about $8.39.

Sane: You can still order that lime squeezer off Amazon, or you can just include a little wooden citrus reamer. You can find those just about everywhere, even the grocery store. I know they have an OXO Good Grips one at Bed Bath & Beyond for $5.99. (I have the best story about Prince Albert of Monaco and Bed Bath & Beyond.)

Now you need to include a nice recipe card and a label for your box. I’ve made a downloadable PDF with both of these.

Insane: Me, I have a Gocco home silkscreening kit, so I printed the label out on a laser printer, made a Gocco silkscreen, and hand-stamped it onto the box.

Sane: It’s REALLY not necessary to silkscreen your box, even if you are making multiple kits. Instead, why not just print the label on a piece of paper and stick it to the box? You could even use the inside of brown paper grocery bag. That would also be good.

Finally, fill the box with limes and jalapeños, close it up, and give it to your friend in need of a super-spicy margarita.

With any luck, he or she will invite you to share one, and you can pretend you are here. If you are into Mars, that is.

 

 

 

 

 

*Do not say poisonous instead of venomous. You will get in TROUBLE!